Post mortem

"Life is full of challenges" someone said. Yeah, no shit.. Sherlock..

It has been a beautiful, heart-wrenching, self-doubting, joyous 3 and a half years. Here I am, once again at the crossroads of life. Once again having to come face to face about how I, Maybel, perform and see myself under emotionally difficult circumstances. Do I hold on to the memories? Should I be angry? How long does it take to overcome the sadness? Can I just make a choice to be positive and move forward, and I already am? Can I get over it? Was it all worth it?

When someone is dissatisfied, they look for reasons to validate why they feel that way. When something ends, people look to fault and blame. I am not interested in he said, she said. I am not here to fault and blame. I dont care who ended it. It just cheapens the years we spent together and makes it superficial when I have to answer those questions. I do not believe in just throwing away friendship just because "we" did not work out. It just was not meant to be at this point in time. He needs to "find" himself and come to certain realisations on his own. To make his own stand. Me? What did I learn from this? How can I now move forward? The lessons are loud and clear. Never forget myself. Never forget how important I am. Don't give myself completely over. Communicate and ask the important questions. Give myself and the other person the space to grow. Don't be afraid of losing someone.

No, I am not the strongest person emotionally. I cry easily and am emotionally sensitive. I can choose to be depressed for a year and hope for a reconciliation. I can feel lonely and afraid for my future. But I choose not to be. Sure it hurts like hell. Sure I feel like a train has ran over my heart again and again. Sure, I look over the pictures and cry and see the memories in my head and silently weep. But I am still here. Would I do it all over again knowing the outcome? Knowing I will have this heartbreak? Knowing we will be great great friends one day, yes. Knowing all the wonderful friends we made together, yes. Knowing that I have met,loved and will always love a special human being, yes. Remembering all the wonderful and painful intimate experiences that I have shared with this person, yes. Most definately.
It may be a bumpy and difficult start but I look forward to the new journey!

Thank you babe for allowing me to be in your space for the last 3 1/2 years....

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

I recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone
I certainly do I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at anytime
Feel free Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn