Elvis vs Enzo

Name: Enzo Kenji Chan

Born: January 3, 2007 (Capricorn, Year of the Dog)

Interest: Eating, sleeping, scratching, making funny faces.

Name: Elvis Aron Presley
Born:January 8, 1935 (Capricorn, Year of the Dog)

Interest: Eating, sleeping, singing, karate

Happiness and Sadness

The Golden Oink Oink.




Another Lunar New Year is here and this time, its a little different because it's also Enzo's first CNY. It's also a little different because I cant celebrate it with J. As bittersweet as it all is, I am determined to make it a great and positive year for me. Being surrounded by family, love and a godson has been a strange ride for me. I can't help but feel deep loneliness, pride in my self, love and a determination to be ok, be wonderful, be positive. My wish for this year is to just to end each day with gusto, love and acomplishment. In the meantime, the top 3 things I did this CNy is:

1) Blackjack
2) Eat
3) Sleep

Ah Jo..

Last night I made the choice to see J perform in his opening night. It was not an easy decision to make as we have not seen each other since the break-up. Although I have been handling things pretty well and moving forward, I feared how my heart would take seeing him again. But I so wanted to support him and see him in this play. It means just as much to me that he does well as it does to him. I do not know why I feel this way, but I do. I guess it just shows me how much I still love him. I was proud of him last night. I was and am proud of his drive, depite his inner conversations, to pursue his dreams and passion. He was wonderful

When our eyes met when he came out after the performance, I felt a surge of emotions and I fought to control back the tears. It was heartbreaking and yet wonderful. It was painful and yet comforting. I always feel at home with J and I guess I'll always will. We came togther again so easily as friends and two people who care for each other it was almost cruel. It made me think though, how life is full of uncertainties and tests. Here is one person, I truly love and respect. A person I can totally be myself with and yet, the relationship cannot be. Only I know the depth of how much I love this person and therefore my willingness to set him free. My friend F said, "Its funny how you and J are so good togther and enjoy each other's company and yet you are not, and me and my hubby are so wrong for each other, and tolerate each other's company only and yet we are married."

Maybe its timing, maybe its fate. Maybe we will come to certain realisations one day. Maybe not. If its meant to be, it will. In the meantime, I do not hope because hope will kill my spirit bit by bit. I know, I just have to let things be, move forward in my life and let the chips fall as they may.

V Day, Love and Knights

courtesy of nataliedee

Well. V-Day or the alternative, the aptly named SAD day (Single Awareness Day) came and went with a revelation. Amongst all the hullabulla about love, hand-holding, cards and flowers I found myself hanging out at The Laundry with a few people checking out the scene. The laundry was having a singles night and bit by bit, large groups of single women and men dressed in their best and came and played hand brushing, eye gazing opportunity silly games. Frankly, I was quite bored. Not at the idea of a singles night but the idea of a singles night at a club/bar. Boring. Meaningless. Someone should do the Desperate and Dateless Ball like they do in Melbourne. It will be more apt I think. Not a usual celebrator of V-Day itself I found myself in the company of someone who was a self-proclaimed cynic of couple-dom and love. "I can't help but think, whenever I see a couple, that they better enjoy themselves while it lasts." he proclaimed. I dont know if I feel the same way though.

hahaha. Yeah right!

Although recently out of a great relationship and feeling a bit less than wonderful at this point in time, I guess I should be upset and a little jaded when it comes to love and relationships but what's funny is, I dont. I STILL do believe in love. I refuse to allow myself to be a cynic about it. Life is about choices and I can choose my beliefs. And I believe in LOVE. I just think that if I let myself be jaded and cynical, I might and will close myself off and end up bitter and crummy. And hell, I dont want to be crummy in this life. So, therefore choose love. While there maybe an absence of a manly love at the moment, the following still rings true:

I love my family and they love me.
I love my little Enzo and he loves me.
I love SOME of my friends and they love me.
I love Heroes and 24 and they love me.

M and I were talking the other day about a guy we both know, who at age 36, still prowls the clubs every week, hooking up with meaningless sex and has in his mind the "ideal" girlfirend- Beautiful beyond believe, tall, athletic, lips like Angelina Jolie, intelligent, mixed parentage, blah blah blah. A dream girl. The kinda girl you would dream of when you were a teenager of dating and that you will grow out off when reality bites. Well, he never grew out of it or grew up. Therefore, he has difficulty meeting this "girl". Those of us who have grown up realise that there is no such thing as the perfect person. A girl should realise there is no knight in shining armour. There maybe a knight, but he may come with a tarnished breastplate. So dont discard the possibility of someone just because he may have crooked teeth.
I'd better remind myself that...hee hee

My Angel, Enzo

I am now a godmother to a beautiful little boy- Enzo Kenji Chan. His K-Ma. Son of my brother Ivan and his wife, Ramjeet. The joy he brings to our lives and the way I feel about him are amazing. In my eyes, he is absolutely perfect. Well, of course that because he is my godson. We just celebrated his full moon and I can't wait to see how this new member of the human race will grow, see life and have all his dreams fulfilled. For Enzo to be here, at a time in my life where I am vulnerable and emotionally weakened, is a blessing.
Ok I can't stop gushing... :)


Check out Enzo's Crib for daily updates on him!